I've always felt this intractable need to move... keep moving forward, move to a new house, move the furniture, drive just to be moving, get on my horse and go go go go go... and yet... I honestly haven't actually GONE anywhere.
Lately though... I've been sedentary. Not physically, really, but spiritually. Yeah yeah, I'm pulling a Yoda today. But seriously. I have no desire to move, no desire to keep going as if the hounds have been released from Hades and will get me if I don't keep moving.
I am at peace. And at 33 years old and a mother of 3 with a 10 year marriage and a nasty divorce and nastier custody battle behind me, and having lived a whole lot of my life with fear a constant companion... it may be a first.
I'm happy. I feel good. I'm relaxed. I SLEEP at night, deeply and without dreams. I smile more often than not, and laugh with my children for no reason at all. I spent an hour last night dancing with my 15 month old. Yeah, I can't dance, but the cool thing is... he doesn't know that. He just smiled and laughed and wiggled his diaper-clad booty til he fell down. And then he laughed some more when I fell next to him.
Today, I planted flowers and tomato plants at D'Man's house. Nothing fancy, petunias and pansies and cosmos and geraniums, but my hands are dirty and the sun was hot on my skin. The boy ate dandelions while I got muddy. Here's hoping he's not allergic!
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2 comments:
ya know I may not see you often but I have noticed that you do simile a lot more than you used to, and you're not nearly as bitter(i guess is the word).
Sounds like a good day, and a good place to be.
Dandelions are good for the body, don't ya know.
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